Tuesday, April 14, 2009

on my hermitude of april 2009...

warning: nearly all non-crafty stuff here! general life stuff follows.

i have some wonderful people in my life. i mention something about "quitting" on facebook, and less than 24 hours later, i have words and thoughts and actual, physical gifts on my doorstep to help cheer me on. more about that in a bit.

what am i quitting? smoking. that's right - i'm a smoker. have been for nearly half my life now, more or less. isn't that awful and hideous? i kind of think it is. see, i don't WANT to be a smoker. i haven't WANTED to be a smoker for probably 8 to 10 years now. i have never smoked at work or when i visit my parents; i have always been embarrassed by it and didn't want to be identified as a smoker. i recognize it is a completely idiotic habit (okay, addiction). it's also ridiculously expensive... and stinky... and generally pretty gross. and yet i haven't been able to come even remotely close to quitting except for one three-month period where i was climbing mountains and hiking 30 miles every weekend. so why now? i think i'm just fed up with myself. there are, to be sure, things i like about myself. there are also a number of things i don't like about myself, and i had a wake up call of sorts with a good friend this past weekend. and *palm to forehead* i realized, quite suddenly, that while there are things i don't like about myself that are not easily fixed, there are quite a few things i can do to be a better person, a better friend, a better me. quitting smoking, cutting back on booze, and being a better friend are all things that i can do now and feel good about. really, i guess i finally had it with myself.

you're probably sitting there thinking, well, duh, christie... if you can quit when you visit parents, go on work trips, etc., what's the big deal? the big deal is i am seriously my own worst enemy. if left to my own devices, i could play on the internet and chain smoke for hours. so this week, i have decided to either be a hermit or to hang out with non-smoking friends. during my hermit hours so far, i have a) put on very comfy clothes and my bunny slippers, b) watched countless hours of bad television on hulu, c) knitted a sweater and started a hat and a dress, d) paced the apartment, e) gone to bed at 9:00 just so i wouldn't have to try to function anymore, f) stopped drinking (i have poor impulse control when drinking), and g) eaten what seems to be about my body weight in sherbet (speaking of, i'm out of sherbet - must run to the grocery store!).

so what if it's only been roughly 43 hours since my last cigarette? back to the "i have the best people in my life" comment at the beginning. i got home from work and was warned there was a present waiting for me on my doorstep. what could that be, you ask? RED VINES AND CHOCOLATE PRAYING JESUS HANDS, of course! and, because the gift giver is crazy awesome, the jesus hands come with a whole PRAYER written on the inside. ridonk. is that sacrilege to eat jesus' hands?
090414. i got chocolate jesus hands!

do you know how much i love red vines? so very much. they're my favorite candy in all the land. i love that i have friends who love me so much that they know of my love for red vines *and* will go out and buy them for me.
090414. i know good people who know i heart red vines.

judging by my excitement over these two items, my general need for sherbet, and general oral fixation issues, i'm guessing i might gain a bit of weight. not the best thing in the world, but at least my lungs will be nice and pink again soonish.

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